I know from first-hand experience just how lonely it can get when you focus on your success. Anytime you do something different than the majority, you should expect to experience some loneliness. Sometimes, that loneliness can take you to a really dark place. I’ve discovered that there is a lot of focus and relentless energy hidden amongst that darkness. When you push through that cloud of darkness, you’ll catch a second wind that’ll carry you further than you’ve ever imagined. Last Friday, for about 2 hours, I let something that I couldn’t control put me into that dark state. I made the conscious decision to not be upset and not let it ruin my day. So, I went to the gym, took a shower, and wrote this. Don’t be reactive. If you’re not in control of what happens, then you have no reason to let it get to you. It’s natural to get upset about those situations, but don’t dwell on them and learn to shorten the time that it affects you. Ed Mylett said, “Problems need energy to live.” If you focus on the problem and give it your energy, it will eventually consume you. Address the situation and move on. Those situations are due to the decisions of others and you can’t let other people’s decisions influence you. Don’t let your darkness get in the way of your success. You have to find a way to make it beneficial and not hinder your performance.
In Tim Grover’s “Relentless“, he discusses the dark side of high performers. Most ultra-successful people have a dark side to them. That’s why you’ll see various scandals in that sector of individuals. This dark side doesn’t push them to do illegal things, but it definitely pushes the moral limits. For example, Michael Jordan is known to drink and gamble all night long, Tiger Woods has had affair scandals in the past, etc. I have a dark side and it tortures me on a daily basis. As positive as I am, I definitely have a side to me that can be very dark. In my mind, for whatever reason, I’m never good enough, I’m never satisfied, and I always want to do and be better. I’ve learned to use this dark energy as a propeller rather than an anchor. Learning how to turn that darkness into controlled power is everything! What I used to think was depression, was actually me trying to push myself further than I’ve ever been before. I believe that my brain is wired for success and I refuse to believe anything else. I’m not looking for any pity because of the way I think. It’s an advantage for me and it keeps my foot pressed on the pedal. I realize that I can’t let it consume me and I must find balance, but when used properly, it can push me further than I ever thought was possible!
By focusing on my success, I find it hard to relate to most people simply because I’m not like most people. Whenever I’m doing something that isn’t getting me closer to success, my mind starts to make me anxious. It pushes me to be more productive. I just finished an hour long tv show and that took me 4 weeks. The minute I start to do something “unproductive”, my mind gets distracted with all of the things I could be doing. This has resulted in my inability to be present and have “fun”. I’m working on finding the balance that will continue to support my success throughout my life.
I used to think I needed others acceptance and approval to feel important. Actually, that empowerment comes from inside. In order to have that self-confidence, you have to fulfill the promises you make to yourself. After doing this for a while, you build a reputation with yourself. No matter what anyone says, you know at your core what you’re capable of and what value you have. If you don’t feel valuable, go do something that will increase your value. Having others tell you that you’re important things like that don’t help your self-confidence because they feel like lies. Self-confidence is earned, not given.
Why is it that people who are trying to be more successful feel as if they are being “punished” with loneliness? To me, that loneliness is a test to see if you really want to be successful. I’ve found that in order to speed up the process of success, meeting other like-minded individuals who will challenge you is imperative. There are people out there who are doing the same things as you are! They’re hard to find because they are extremely rare, but they do exist! It took me over a year and a half of searching before I found the first person like me. When you find them, it’s like talking to your reflection. Everything clicks and you both share a sense of understanding. You both are probably experiencing many of the same things. Cultivate those relationships and watch your success grow!